The revolution will be televised

(with apologies to Gil Scott-Heron)

You will be able to stay home, Brother.
You will be able to sit down, turn on and just watch.
You will be able to lose yourself on curry and chips,
and nip out for beer during the commercials,
because the revolution will be televised.

The revolution will be televised.
The revolution will be brought to you by Sky TV
with twenty-four hour coverage including info-mercials.
The revolution will show you CCTV pictures of the Messiah, J C,
anointing a charge on the Tory Party Conference,
while Auntie May eats her dinner of cold baked beans and humble pie
stolen from a food bank in Birkenhead.
The revolution will be televised.

The revolution will be brought to you by
I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, starring
Tariq Ali, Banksy and Lisa Simpson.
The revolution will give your mouth sex appeal.
The revolution will get rid of the heebie-jeebies.
The revolution will make you look ten pounds thinner,
because the revolution will be televised.

The revolution will bring us pictures of Melania in her rollers and housecoat,
having a ciggie outside Lidl waiting for the Dial-a- Ride bus,
while The Donald goes ten rounds with The Rock.
Jeremy Vine will be able to predict the winner before it starts.
The revolution will be televised.

The revolution will show you best police service in the world
engaging brothers and sisters in the instant replay.
There will be videos of BoJo the Clown being thrown into the Mersey on his bicycle.
There will be Instagram photos of Half Man Half Frog being found as a stowaway
on a Brittany ferry, wearing a new sombrero and a Zapata moustache.
Plus exclusive shots of the late David Cameron having his face polished by Mr Sheen.
The revolution will be televised.

The revolution will mean that Coronation Street, The Royle Family, and Shameless
will be even more relevant to us all, but nobody will care
because Meg and Kate have started a new girl band, The Corbynista Sisters,
and everyone will be at a street party having found a brighter day.
The revolution will be televised, Sister.
The revolution will be sponsored by The Royal of Scotland, the People’s Bank.
There will be highlights on News at Ten
of broken bankers hanging from lampposts, and Pervy Weinstein
being dragged through town by the Bolsheviks.
The new national anthem, written by Gil Scott-Heron,
will be performed by Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen and The Real Thing.
The revolution will be televised.

The revolution will be right back after a quick message
about life insurance, starring old people, and old songs.
You will only have to make one easy phone call to turn all your debts into
one manageable payment, buy the zircon ring you’ve always wanted,
and find true love.
The revolution will go better without Coke.
The revolution will kill ninety-nine percent of all household germs.
The revolution will put you in the driver’s seat of the political system of your dreams.
The revolution will not be decided by an England penalty shoot out, but
the revolution will depend on YOU.
The revolution will be televised, will be televised,
The revolution will be re-run on tv every Christmas, Brothers and Sisters but,
right now, the revolution will… be… live.

Arthur Adlen

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